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Lions Roar : July 2011
SHAMBHALA SUN JULY 2011 63 dismiss conceptual ways of thinking, and give oneself over to intuition. Talking with someone who is aphasic, one lives in a similar state of perpetually realizing, of enjoying the aha! moment of insight that comes with solving a verbal puzzle. Like creativity, it invites muscling into the world while simul- taneously letting go. His stroke has changed him, but not all for the bad, and it has also changed me. A caregiver is changed by the culture of illness, just as one is changed by the dynamic era in which one lives. For one thing, I don’t have as much time in conversation with myself, and I feel the loss. Certainly I worry more about his death, and mine too, since I’m so much a part of the evolving saga of his health, which I have to monitor each day. But I’ve grown stronger in every aspect of my life. In small ways: speaking more directly with people. In large ways: discovering I can handle adversi- ty and potential loss and yet keep going. I’ve a better idea of my strength. I feel like I’ve been tested, like a willow whipped around violently in a hurricane, but still standing, its roots strong enough to hold. Coming to terms with being responsible for someone else’s life, having to live with such decisions, took a long while, and PHOTOBYLARSTUNBJORK/NORDICPHOTOS/GLASSHOUSEIMAGES With someone who’s aphasic, one lives in a state of perpetually realizing, of enjoying the aha! moment of insight that comes with solving a verbal puzzle. It invites muscling into the world while simultaneously letting go.