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Lions Roar : July 2012
statue and the borage to come up between the spaces on the pathway of heart-shaped rocks. There are ladybugs there too, but I am less concerned for them, with so many aphids to eat on so many rose leaves. In my garden, I make it easy for myself. Like I’m in kindergarten and it’s naptime, I lower myself down on a yoga mat spread out on the brick pathway. I am contained by a picket fence on one side and my house on the other. There are gates and trellises on each end covered in clematis and honeysuckle, and crystals from my grandmother’s chandelier hang from the old vine wood, catching light even on a gray day. I am enclosed. And that helps on those days when the field is too big and the yes feels less possible. Sometimes I bring tea on those days. Green tea with jasmine in my favorite mug. Sometimes I bring a pot of tea. Sometimes I bring my guitar. Sometimes I sing. Sometimes I don’t exactly sit; I squat for a while before I decide I can sit. And sometimes I just stand there and take in a few breaths— letting them out through my mouth the way I’ve been taught. Other times I walk through the garden fast, holding my breath, not wanting to know what yes is. The echoes of no too loud to sit at all. Here’s what that no sounds like: Who do you think you are, sitting in a garden doing nothing when you should be clean- ing the house, doing the dishes, folding laundry, weeding, working on your novel, getting exercise, grocery shopping, clean- ing out the kid’s closets, vacuuming the mouse shit in the basement so the kids can have that slumber party they’ve wanted all summer, applying for that grant, applying for that residency, pitching that magazine editor, paying your bills, canning tomato sauce, volunteering somewhere like Meals on Wheels, which you said you were going to sign up for but haven’t, helping that friend with the four kids and the slipped disc, remembering your niece’s five- month-overdue graduation present, baby present, birthday card, wedding gift, call- ing your mother. Who do you think you are just sitting there considering the lilies? It’s folly to sit there. Selfish. You have work to do. The ladybugs will be fine without SHAMBHALA SUN JULY 2012 18