using the arrow buttons.
by clicking on the page.
the page around when zoomed in by dragging it.
the zoom using the slider when zoomed-in.
by clicking on the zoomed-in page.
by entering text in the search field, and select "This Issue" or "All Issues"
by clicking on thumbnails to select pages, and then press the print button.
displays sections with thumbnails and descriptions.
displays a slider of thumbnails. Click on a page to jump.
allows you to browse the full archive.
about your subscription?
Lions Roar : March 2013
SHAMBHALA SUN MARCH 2013 58 in the past are feeding your feelings in the present moment, then you might find the situation to be more workable. Marriage, in Welwood’s words, can be like a crucible or alchem- ical container in which substances are mixed together and trans- formed. In marriage as a conscious relationship, the container is the commitment to stay with it no matter how difficult it is, the willingness “to bring awareness to whatever is going on, rather than acting out your conditioned patterns from the past. You take everything, all the challenges in the relationship, as opportunities to become more fully awake, to become more fully present, lov- ing, and giving.” The transformation generated between the two people leads to a deep transformation within each of them. One critical ingredient for healthy intimate relationships is a realistic sense of their limitations: relationships cannot in and of themselves fill the hole of love created in childhood. In Per- fect Love, Imperfect Relationships, Welwood teaches that we need to learn how to be there for ourselves and recognize that our lives are held in an absolute love. To tap into this love, he offers this six-step exercise: (1) Settle into your body. Sitting or lying down, take a few deep breaths. (2) Turn your attention toward some way in which you feel cut off from love in your life right now and see how that lack feels in your body. (3) Without trying to get anything from anybody in particu- lar, open to the pure energy of your longing to feel more con- nected. Deeply feel the energy in this longing. (4) See if you can feel the longing in your heart center and soften your crown center, which is at the top and back of your head. (5) Notice if there is any presence of love available now. Don’t think about it too hard or fabricate what isn’t there. But if there is some love or warmth at hand, let it enter you. Give yourself ample time to be with whatever you’re experiencing and keep in mind that the presence of absolute love may be very subtle, like being held in a gentle embrace. (6) Instead of holding yourself up, let love be your ground. Allow yourself to melt. Welwood came up with this practice because of his own needs. Working with it, he quickly felt profound changes— so much so that he believed he’d never again need love from people in the same way. “I experienced a new kind of trust and relaxation in knowing that I could have my own direct access to perfect love whenever I needed it,” he writes. “My investment in grievance diminished, along with tendencies to expect others to provide ideal love.” Yet this practice did not prove to be a panacea—nothing is— and Welwood eventually found himself slipping back into old relational expectations. It did, however, leave him with the gen- uine knowledge that something else was possible. “This served as a polestar,” he concludes, “in guiding me toward seeing what I still need to work on to free myself further.” When people ask Barry Magid what the difference is between psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, he wryly asserts that psy- choanalysis doesn’t help anyone. “This dovetails with the idea of no gain in Zen,” says Magid, who is a psychoanalyst, a psychiatrist, and the founder of The Ordinary Mind Zendo in New York. “Psychotherapies in a broad sense can be thought of as problem-solving techniques “Happiness or enlightenment is not some- thing that takes place in our brains,” Barry Magid says. “They are functions of a whole person living a whole life.” PHOTOBYPETERCUNNINGHAM