using the arrow buttons.
by clicking on the page.
the page around when zoomed in by dragging it.
the zoom using the slider when zoomed-in.
by clicking on the zoomed-in page.
by entering text in the search field, and select "This Issue" or "All Issues"
by clicking on thumbnails to select pages, and then press the print button.
displays sections with thumbnails and descriptions.
displays a slider of thumbnails. Click on a page to jump.
allows you to browse the full archive.
about your subscription?
Lions Roar : March 2014
after reading my memoir about my Zen teacher’s sexual indiscretions, called me and directly said that she didn’t like it. After our call, Katherine and I did not see each other for four years. I was sorely aware of that rift and, from a dis- tance, calculated her aging. Then one day the phone rang. “Younger students have been reading your book and telling me, ‘It’s really good.’ I thought: Am I not a Zen teacher? I must be open-minded. I reread it. I got it all wrong the first time. I was blinded. When can we see each other?” Once I asked her to conduct a three-day meditation retreat in the solar adobe zendo I’d just built in Taos. Each day she gave a lecture. “I rented a car at the airport in Albuquerque,” she said. “Getting to Taos was fine—only one highway pointing north. Then I had to follow Natalie’s direc- tions on these back dirt roads and I got lost. I realize now that when I’d listened to her over the phone, I pictured in my mind what she was saying. But when the markers appeared in actuality—for instance, the right at an abandoned adobe— the markers weren’t how I pictured them, so I ignored them and went looking for what matched my vision. Isn’t that how we also work in our life? We don’t see reality.” THE LAST EVENING of the retreat, just before the students break silence, Steve comes up to me and whispers in my ear, “I just spoke to my brother. Katherine let go.” I nod and proceed to the zendo in a trance, unable to recall anything I say or teach that night. So many times this has happened: I am teaching while something impor- tant to me is happening somewhere else. But that night, after the ending ceremony and festivities, in the long early hours past midnight, alone in the third story of a French farmhouse, I fall into grief. The next morning, still in my clothes, I hear a hesitant knock at my door. “It’s past breakfast and class is in five min- utes,” Saundra says through the crack she opens in the door. “I can’t do it. You teach,” I growl. A flicker of hesitation. Then she sees my face. “I couldn’t be with her,” I cry. When I leave the retreat, I walk for seven days in the Dor- dogne Valley, through fields of corn, walnut trees, sunflow- ers, and at the edge of a wide, swollen, meandering river. So much in bloom. We are no different than a flower, I think. It gives off its radiance—then dies. We don’t expect that same flower to come back next June. Another takes its place. But there must also be something else. My rambunctious friend, where are you now? Wherever you are, there was still so much to say. Bright pink zinnia my friend Katherine one candle burning ♦ An integrated correspondence course that provides a structured approach to bring together your knowledge and practice of Tibetan Buddhism. Established in 1999 and recently updated, it has over 600 graduates worldwide. This precious two-year course offers study, supportive tutors, Q & A sessions, meditation, learning activities and online discussion. Geshe Tashi Tsering, Jamyang Buddhist Centre’s resident teacher and course creator, is renowned for making Buddhism accessible and relevant to modern day life. Courses start every 4 months in January, May and September. For more information and to apply, visit: www.buddhistthought.org This course is part of the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition www.fpmt.org FBT graduates can continue their studies by joining Geshe Tashi's Lamrim Chenmo correspondence course The Foundation of Buddhist Thought SHAMBHALA SUN MARCH 2014 29