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Lions Roar : November 2006
didn’t care about me or that fundamentally he didn’t know who I was. In fact, he knew me better than anyone else did. But on the morning after our wedding, he couldn’t remember my name. Not at all. Not Diana, not Pybus, not any of it. So I told him my name, and he happily went back to his phone conversation as though nothing had happened. I, meanwhile, was freaking out. There was no regret on my part, but I realized that I had gotten myself into the wildest situ- ation possible. I lay in bed thinking, “I don’t know what’s go- ing to happen in my life. You know, I really at this point do not know at all what lies in my future. But I do know one thing: my life will never be boring. It definitely is going to be amazing and unusual.” On the whole, I was both excited and terrified at the prospect of spending my life with such a person. That was how our marriage began. I don’t really blame my parents for the unusual path I’ve taken. They had something to do with it, but it is also the result of who I am. I chose this mar- riage and this life. Until I met Rinpoche, I never could connect with the world as a whole. I always felt different. I never felt like I was one of “them” at all. Meeting Rinpoche and being in his world were the first real things that happened for me in my life. Once I entered his world, I didn’t have any objective reference points, nothing to fall back on and say, “Well, this is normal, this is civi- lized. This isn’t.” For me, there was absolutely no other reference point. Just him. Just us. Just our marriage. I spent a lot of years married to Rinpoche operating in that space with him. Later, when I started my intensive dressage training, I knew that I had to acknowledge the conventional world and some sort of conventional wisdom and behavior if I was going to find a place for myself in the riding world. I tried to keep those two worlds, my marriage and my career, separate so that I would be accepted in the riding world. Rinpoche’s world was not a problem for me. It was just a bit of a balancing act. ♦ This and subsequent excepts are from Dragon Thunder: My Life with Chögyam Trungpa by Diana J. Mukpo with Carolyn Rose Gimian. © 2006 by Diana J. Mukpo, Carolyn R. Gimian. Published in September by Shambhala Publications. I could say a lot of different things, but honestly I don’t know. There’s no way to conceptualize it; it was overwhelming. There was an intense sense of familiarity just from seeing his physical presence. It was very, very strong and I have no rational explana- tion for it. Trungpa Rinpoche was still wearing his traditional robes then, but by the second time you saw him, he was no longer wearing robes. He had already been involved in the car accident that paralyzed one SHAMBHALA SUN NOVEMBER 2006 43