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Lions Roar : January 2010
SHAMBHALA SUN jANUAry 2010 27 VISIT THE SHAMBHALA SUN ONLINE STORE www.shambhalasun.com PROCEEDS ENABLE US TO PRINT ON ENVIRONMENTALLY RESPONSIBLE PAPER SHAMBHALA SUN FOUNDATION An independent, nonprofit corporation. Publishers of the Shambhala Sun and Buddhadharma: The Practitioner’s Quarterly. ENJOY OUR COLLECTION of DHARMA ART captured in beautiful archival quality giclée prints. Taken from the pages of the magazines, the gallery art includes pieces by well-known teachers, artists and contributors, such as Thich Nhat Hahn, Chögyam Trungpa, Kaz Tanahashi, and cartoonist David Sipress. WINTER SALE! Enjoy savings of up to 35% on our collection of dharma art – www.shambhalasun.com Give the Art that Inspires ENJOY OUR COLLECTION ENJOY OUR COLLECTION ENJOY OUR COLLECTION ENJOY OUR COLLECTION DHARMA ART captured in DHARMA ART captured in DHARMA ART ENJOY OUR COLLECTION of DHARMA ART of DHARMA ART of become an enlightened person while in a relationship. Marriage can pull you away from your higher focus, but it can also be the ground upon which to place your spiri- tual practice. How have people’s expectations for their spouses changed? Drastically and dangerously. With every generation over the last one hundred years, people have escalated their expectations. In the early part of the twentieth century there were surveys done with female college stu- dents, asking what traits they’d most like to have in a husband. Repeatedly, these women would list virtues. They’d say they wanted someone who was honest, kind, trustwor- thy, a respected member of society. But by the 1950s, that started to change. College girls asked that same question said they wanted love. They were thinking about the thrill they wanted to have with this person more than who might constitute a good partner over the course of forty or fifty years. Today when you ask young women in college what they look for in a partner, they say they want somebody who’ll in- spire them every day, which is a tall order. Imagine if every morning you turned to your husband and said, “Inspire me!” You can see the poor guy being like, “Can’t I just be trustworthy?” When you come into marriage with expectations so heightened, it increases the divorce rate. But to this day I’m not sure how to use that information. It would be hard for me to advise a young woman to lower her expectations. What would you say to someone consider- ing marriage? People spend a lot of time choosing the color of their bridesmaid dresses, but it would be a much easier path if they spent that time thinking about what they’re en- tering into and having serious conversa- tions with their partner about what each one of them is expecting. I would follow this wonderful old Polish adage: “Before going to sea, pray one time. Before going to war, pray twice. Before getting married, pray three times.” Marriage is serious. Take it seriously. ♦