using the arrow buttons.
by clicking on the page.
the page around when zoomed in by dragging it.
the zoom using the slider when zoomed-in.
by clicking on the zoomed-in page.
by entering text in the search field, and select "This Issue" or "All Issues"
by clicking on thumbnails to select pages, and then press the print button.
displays sections with thumbnails and descriptions.
displays a slider of thumbnails. Click on a page to jump.
allows you to browse the full archive.
about your subscription?
Lions Roar : May 2019
ADVICE FOR DIFFICULT TIMES Our Beloved Enemies SYLVIA BOORSTEIN shows us how, with practice, we can glimpse new ways of relating to loved ones, even when we’re stuck. Question: After an argument recently with my partner, our son said to me, “You’re both supposed to be Buddhists but you have more negative patterns than any- one else I know.” I reminded him that we see things inside the family that people don’t reveal in other situa- tions, but I basically had to agree with him. We are still stuck in harmful habits, even after years of meditation. So the practice isn’t working. What will? Answer: I am touched by your question. It really is unfortunate that the mind often responds unwisely when dealing with our nearest and dearest, but it does make sense. There are various reasons why. First, fear arises with our significant other because we are afraid of not getting what we want. Anger arises as well because the other per- son is perceived as the enemy who is not giving us what we want. Then, greed arises in the form of needing to be comforted by the person we depend upon to be our life- long companion—except that this person is now also our perceived enemy! Arguments are really draining. You are both depleted, and exhaustion makes rational thought less possible. When you are down, doubt has its chance to creep in—even doubt that the relationship is working. Then, after you have lost some faith in the relationship, you next turn on yourself, beating yourself up with disap- pointment that the mind has, once again, allowed itself to fall into confusion. You can even rail at your Buddhist practice itself, as it seems the work you are doing is leading to hopelessness. Yet insight and compassion, which are at the heart of Buddhism, are the most helpful responses to this dilemma. As ten- sion arises, you could try this: Say to each other, “We’ve wandered into a conflict zone.” This is the first noble truth, that life comes with challenges. Your next phrase could be, “Let’s not make it worse.” This is the second noble truth, that suffering is an inept response to discomfort. After that, try saying, “We usually love each other. We could, right now, reassure each other and then figure out a way to work this out together.” This is the third noble truth, that a clear, wise mind is a possibility. Finally, you could conclude by saying, “Every time we do this, we’ll get bet- ter at it.” This is the fourth noble truth, which involves habituating the mind to thoughtful response in place of impulsive reaction. This is a lifelong exercise. ♦ ISTOCK.COM/PEOPLEIMAGES SYLVIA BOORSTEIN is a leading teacher of Insight Meditation and author of Happiness Is an Inside Job. Send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org NUNS IN THE HIMALAYAS The Pema Chödrön Foundation’s support helps ensure that nuns in Nepal, Bhutan and India have the same equal opportunities for deep practice and study as monks have always had. AT rISk popULATIoNS Pema is committed to supporting organizations that work to protect and nurture at-risk populations, particularly women and youth who are in challenging circumstances. THE Book INITIATIVE Pema’s books and recorded teachings are offered to underserved individuals and the organizations that support them, around the world, free of charge. THE BUDDHIST MoNASTIC TrADITIoN Pema is dedicated to help guide and support her home monastery, Gampo Abbey, as well as monastic settings in Asia and the West. OUR ONLINE BOOKSTORE: You can purchase Pema’s books, CDs and DVDs along with her archived teachings at our online bookstore. Free Shipping in the USA. THE pEMA CHöDröN FoUNDATIoN SUpporTS: pEMACHoDroNFoUNDATIoN.org LION’S ROAR | MAY 2019 23