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Lions Roar : July 2019
When we experience conflict with others, we typically take a first-person perspective, concerned with our own thoughts, feelings, and values. The prac- tice called Gaining Perspective on an Argument invites us to adopt the perspec- tive of an outside observer who sees both partners’ points of view and wants to achieve the best resolution for everyone. Of course, we don’t want to use this practice to excuse or rationalize unac- ceptable behavior. But in the context of a generally healthy partnership, it can help lessen negative feelings, build connection and empathy, and ultimately improve the relationship. How to Do the Practice It’s easy to get wrapped up in your own head when you argue with your partner. This exercise will help you gain some perspective on your feelings during con- flict. You can do the formal practice for AS WE ALL KNOW, fighting and argu- ing can introduce a lot of negativity into romantic relationships, as one person’s criticisms and accusations may be met with defensiveness and angry retalia- tion. The quality of the relationship may decline, which can harm mental and physical health. During arguments, some of our emo- tional pain comes from the evaluations we make about our partner’s behaviors and intentions—but these evaluations aren’t always correct. The technique of “emotional reappraisal” can help us reinterpret emotionally charged events in more accurate, positive, and constructive ways. For example, we might feel that a partner who cancels dinner repeatedly doesn’t respect us, but we could remind ourselves that he’s overburdened at work now and shows care and respect in other ways. GREATER GOOD Bring a New Perspective to Arguments To cut down on misunderstandings and misperceptions, invite this imaginary observer into your disagreements. ISTOCK.COM/BRAUNS Find Your Path to Natural Health • Hemp-derived topicals, sublingual drops, and more. • CO2 Extracted. Contaminant free. Solvent free. Lab certified. • DaCrema outperforms other brands. Hemp Improves Your Health. Naturally. Since 2014 DaCremaBotanicals.com LION’S ROAR | JULY 2019 21 CULTURE • LIFE • PRACTICE